From: The Addiction You Didn’t Know You Had - HealthyGamerGG
Usually linked to conditional love, value linked to performance (attachment theory as discussed in Dr K’s Guide - Anxiety) which can create this reaction to feeling about about oneself of “I need to perform better, I need to prove that I’m good”
In short: external solutions to internal problems.
Mindset becomes: Insecure, unlovable > rise to the top > respect, pride, love
But usually this is compounded with comparisons to others and then compounded moreover with the fact that there is no limit to improving, it becomes a treadmill with no end. Rise to the top never end and thus there can become a sense of never being enough
I need to get laid to feel loved > Still not feeling loved after getting laid probably: because getting laid is probably the external factor and developing actual relationship is the real source
I need a promotion to to feel respected > Still not feeling respected after getting promoted probably: because getting promoted is the external factor and doing work that is meaningful is the real source
Super easy to self-deceive since this mindset actually does lead to improvement and success in the traditional sense. It also gives motivation and direction in life. It becomes almost nonsensical to give it up
Solution:
- Look for internal solutions
- Talk to therapist, friends, family, anyone
- Share emotions and thoughts, process
Self-improvement addiction leads to life of avoidance, similar to image of always running away from a fire that keeps chasing
Put the fire out instead, give space to think about other things than the fire