Metatheory of Ego and Society Development
Outliers - extended families, better health outcomes
https://bigthink.com/series/great-question/loneliness-epidemic/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spiral_Dynamics
https://www.err.ee/1609194133/mihkel-mutt-ristirahvas-lohvi-otsas
it takes a village!!: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fBEi2WqUJvg
I want to start a queer commune (by Molly Savard) - https://conversationalist.org/2022/08/31/i-want-to-start-a-queer-commune/
Live closer to your friends (by Adrienne Matei) - https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2023/03/neighbors-friendship-happiness/673352/
How to live near your friends (by Priya) - https://prigoose.substack.com/p/how-to-live-near-your-friends
You’d be happier living closer to friends. Why don’t you? (by Anne Helen Petersen) - https://annehelen.substack.com/p/youd-be-happier-living-closer-to
Foundation for Intentional Community - https://www.ic.org/
How to split ownership of a home (CoBuy video) - https://www.cobuy.io/blog/how-to-split-ownership-between-co-owners
Three Friends Bought a Brooklyn House Where They Could Live Alone Together (by Joyce Cohen) - https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2023/01/26/realestate/queens-ridgewood-home-buying.html
Three Friends Pooled Their Finances and Bought a Queens House Together (by Debra Kamin) - https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2023/11/09/realestate/brooklyn-apartment-prospect-heights-clinton-hill.html
Let’s go community shopping (by Anne Helen Petersen) - https://annehelen.substack.com/p/lets-go-community-shopping
230 People LIVING COMMUNALLY: TOUR of Ithaca EcoVillage https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uH36w9xg8&t=0s
Cohousing communities help prevent social isolation - Cohousing communities help prevent social isolation - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmWrx0ntATU&t=0s
POCSHN: https://www.pochousingnetwork.com/
Notes
Will get to see the good and bad because people WILL get comfortable and drop their masks when living togther (precisely why the Travel Test is heralded as important)
Your life, hop out to connect with other lives
Create a common life, you dont have to hop out of
Work, coffee breaks, not really connecting?
Move out, value of family
we live in silos, isolated
togetcher but alone
Canoe, people get tired and will become “different”, their needs and wants come oit, ability to compromize lowers
Why do we have areaction to call this a cult?
Value of members for a purpose/practical use vs the value of members as themselves
Maybe not the problem of socual media, but how we are taught to compete
Beautiful pockets of sharing, kindness and compassion when you know people
Even the memes
Dehumanized when faceless, becomes a game of dissecting, comparing, competition, fear/anger
It is not a how to guide
A vision, a new sign showing a new way to trailblaze, the chill sasquatch that says “you could also do things this way, thats okay too!”
It is the coolaid guy who busts down your wall to reorder your furniture a little, by rearranging the furniture also reframes how you think about the couch of “independece”, directs attention towarda and creates a new feng shui for the missing community that just maybe you long for as well
jagatud aeg
ühine eesmärk
friction, problem, hard group decisions, solving stuff
läänes on kommuuni väärtus ajalukku ära kaotatud, inimesed elavad “koos üksi” ning väärtustavad individualismi liialt palju ning seetõttu on õnnetumad
Koos üksi = elame ikka eraldi kuskil oma linnades ja majades ja saame aint vahest kokku, peamiselt elame päevast päeva üksi. Peamiselt elame endale, panustame sellele, et just meil läheks hästi jms
Aga miks mitte normaliseerida sõpradega suure maja koos ostmist? V linnas samas piirkonnas elukohtade soetamist? V üldse sõpradega linna ehitamist?
Mitte “kui ma töötan palju ss saan suure maja”
Vaid “kui me koos vaeva näeme siis saab meil olema tugev rõõmsameelne nurgake”
The Friendship Problem
From: https://rojospinks.substack.com/p/the-friendship-problem
Modern loneliness masks itself as hyper connectivity. And so people have easily 1000 virtual friends, but no one they can ask to feed their cat. That loneliness, which is really a depletion of the social capital, is extremely powerful.
One question I keep asking that I had no idea was going to be so pertinent: When you grew up, did you play freely on the street? … And the majority of the people learned to play freely on the street. They learned social negotiation. They learned unscripted, un-choreographed, unmonitored interaction with people. They fought, they made rules, they made peace, they made friends, they broke up, they made friends again. They developed social muscles. And the majority of these very same people’s children do not play freely on the street. And I think that an adult needs to play freely on the street as well.
Friendships are, by their very nature, made of friction.
And friction is not just interrupting your day or life to help out a friend, but also admitting you need the kind of help you cannot pay for or order yourself. To pierce through your veil of seamless productivity and having-it-together to say: I need something from you, can you help me?
Myself and people my age have been trained under the illusion that we can effectively eliminate any and all friction from our lives. We can work from home, Amazon prime everything we need, swipe through a limitless array of mediocre dates, text our therapist, and have a person go to the grocery store for us when we don’t feel like it, all while consuming an endless stream of entertainment options that we’ll scarcely remember the name of two weeks in the future.
This over-reliance on tech for every aspect of our lives “opens us up to new vectors of anxiety,” as this great post by Brett Scott put it, with “our nervous systems now plugged into a neurotic and hypersensitive globe-spanning information system that’s constantly pushing unnecessary things into your consciousness.”
I feel like I say this all the time, but it bears repeating: Our brains were simply not designed to operate this way. The oft-cited Dunbar’s number — that our brains have a cognitive upper limit of about 150 relationships we can actively maintain — can easily be maxed out by a morning Instagram scroll and answering your email and WhatsApps.
And there, I think, lies the crux of the friendship problem: We are so burned out by the process of staying afloat in a globalized, connected world that we simply don’t have the energy for the kinds of in-person, easy interactions that might actually give us some energy and lifeforce back.
It’s liberation from the idea that we can self-optimize ourselves to the point of not needing anyone else. That if we work hard enough to survive in a competitive economy, we’ll be able to buy, order, or summon anything we might need within 24 hours, and that is somehow progress. That instead of asking for help and support from the people and friends we know — they’re too burned out, don’t want to bother them, they live too far away — we should invest heavily in self care to inoculate ourselves from needing to ask anything of anyone.
These are all ideas that capitalism loves — more people living in their own atomized fiefdoms means selling more stuff and services and meal kits to keep up with the relentless pace of life — but are fundamentally antithetical to the ways that humans are designed to flourish.
We need to make changes to regain the capacity to show up for these kinds of interactions and relationships.